The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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