he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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