I cannot find my penis.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
