i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
