I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
