fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
