My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
