Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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