You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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