my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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