I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
