It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
