Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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