Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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