I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
