How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
