I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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