Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
