i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
