I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
