i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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