I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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