This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
