Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize