I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
