we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
