So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
