Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I believe in your delicious
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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