im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize