Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
