There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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