I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So squirting runs in the family.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
