He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
