I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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