A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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