pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
