I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was born a porn star she said
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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