If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize