1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
