Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
