Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize