wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
FUCK WHALES
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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