My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
