I can text with my tongue
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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