Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize