end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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