You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
