Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
