its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize