Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
