Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
