I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
