For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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