it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They are going to name an STD after you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
