Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
