i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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