She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
