It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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