he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
