I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
