i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
