You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
