call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
