I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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