Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
