Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
