I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize