end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
